My predictions for what President Donald “Cthulhu’s-herald” Trump’s Cabinet will look like:
- Vice President: Mike “women-who-miscarry-deserve-20-years-in-prison” Pence
- Department of State: Secretary Newt “repeated-adulterer-with-much-younger-women” Gingrich
- Department of the Treasury: Secretary Scott “mass-union-destroyer” Walker
- Department of Defense: Former General Mike “this-guy-went-off-the-rails-over-night” Flynn
- Department of Justice: Attorney General Chris “Cthuhlu's-herald's-gofer” Christie
- Department of the Interior: Secretary Bobby “’You-mean-I’m-not-white?’” Jindal
- Department of Agriculture: Secretary Joni “castrates-hogs-with-her-teeth” Ernst
- Department of Commerce: Secretary Rick “insane-asylum” Santorum
- Department of Labor: Secretary Carly “the-second-biggest-business-destroying-kaiju-in-this-administration” Fiorina
- Department of Health and Human Services: Secretary Ben “self-lobotomized” Carson
- Department of Housing and Urban Development: Secretary Paul “chipmunk-eater” LePage
- Department of Transportation: Secretary Rand “the-second-worst-wig-in-this-administration” Paul
- Department of Energy: Secretary George “Department-of-Impotence” Pataki
- Department of Education: Secretary Michelle “education-denier” Bachmann
- Department of Veterans Affairs: Secretary Sarah “drawer-of-broken-doorknobs” Palin
- Department of Homeland Security: Secretary Joe “batshit-crazy-Sheriff-of-Maricopa-County-who-forced-male-inmates-to-wear-pink-panties” Arpaio
- White House Chief of Staff: Lindsey “suicide-victim-during-first-press-conference” Graham
Don't worry, a President Donald Trump will not push the red nuclear button. He's not that kind of a guy. No, he'll head-butt it!
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