December 21, 2015

Saturnalia, celebrated in Roman times, started on the 17th of December and was a period of lawlessness and gluttony that culminated on the 24th with the sacrifice of a human being (the “false king” of the weeklong Dionysian-like experience) who gorged on food and drink throughout the festivities. In order to convert pagans, 4th Century Christians falsely lent the birth of Jesus (previously identified as being born in either March, September, or November) to Saturnalia. Initially, this duping failed; but eventually a comfortable merging of the false birth of Christ to the pagan celebration took place and after 1400 years of “depraved” acts (think, public orgies, insane boozing, and naked singing) and hideously “depraved” acts (think, Pop Paul II’s public humiliation of Jews by making them race naked (and also gorged) through the streets of Rome; and then centuries later Christians forcefully dressed rabbis in clown costumes and paraded them through the streets), some would say Christmas still proves to be the most excessive of the holidays represented by the many extreme levels of obscene self-satisfaction (like 5-year-olds in Park Slope). This is my 46th Christmas and if it weren’t for Aleda, I would be totally over it. And here’s why: Christmas is an addiction to everything that is crap: crap technology (where even the high-end stuff has a brief functional life or is obsolete within a year -- note ALL THREE Amazon Fire tablets Aleda, Maria, and I received last year and note how they are never, ever used), crap non-biodegradable plastics in all shapes and sizes, crap chemicals in all our products, and crap fabrics (many of which are made with crap chemicals) – all probable landfill within a year. Tacky plastic ornaments, dead trees, blood red Santas staining the streets, have and have-not comparisons, and many crap sentiments that seemed built into the holiday – this IS Christmas. What else do we really need? In re to technology, Aleda hasn’t touched her 3DS in over a year. (We also have a bunch of other gaming systems and the only one any of us ever play is our STILL FUNCTIONING Nintendo Entertainment System … and only one game on it -- Super Mario Bros. 2.) She has shelves of toys and stuffed animals and Ugly Dolls, dusty and now actually homely, who haven’t been addressed in years. And in re to clothing: We’re pretty much a jeans and t-shirt family with a few occasion-oriented outfits… and none of us want another article of clothing to dump into our stuffed drawers. As usual, Aleda “wants” art supplies, loves art supplies, could open an art supply store with all the art supplies she has. Yes, I know you know that we – Maria, Aleda, and I – have too much stuff; but I can only really write about my addiction: Comic books and comic book related STUFF. There is a part of me that is terminally 12 and I have this image of my much older self sitting in a study surrounded by finely crafted wooden cabinets that contain my excessive, but organized, collection. It is here, Christmas 2051, that you will find me rereading Marvel Team-Up from 1972 to 1985 or another series from my golden era, the Bronze Age – Green Lantern/Green Arrow, Marvel Spotlight, Peter Parker the Spectacular Spider-Man, or Tomb of Dracula. But now, Christmas 2015, most everyone is receiving some form of “stuff”; and a lot of that stuff is crap. And me? I absolutely need nothing… but, I really like comic book stuff. Wait, I love my stuff! I love stuff! I love the fact that I know Maria is giving me The Best America Comics of 2015 signed by Jonathan Letham for Christmas. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!… and I’m okay with that. I. Love. Christmas. On the 25th, I will celebrate like the pagans. I’ll eat, drink, sing, read a few comics, and maybe even do some of it in the nude… and maybe, just maybe, I’ll end up as this year’s Saturnalian sacrifice. [I’m such a hypocrite.]