Chain Rattling

I’m trying my damnedest, but I just don’t have the "Christmas spirit." The tree is decorated, our plans are taking shape, family and friends are on the way, menus are set, gifts are magically appearing in stockings… but I can’t muster that "joyeux Noël." Sure, Christmas is America’s Viagra-induced orgy of consumerism, but charity often prevailed. This year, however, is bringing us a plague of Scroogery and Capital Vices (pun intended) that snuff the flames of understanding, generosity, kindness, and selflessness: Unbridled greed in the tax bill (enriching the rich, hogtying the middle class, and pillaging the poor); Saturnalian gluttony in the Senate and Congress (and Hollywood and academia and seemingly everywhere...); a president’s hubris that rivals the Fallen Angel’s; a lustfulness in men that gets more sinister with every daily revelation of abuses; an idleness that resigns us to this ugly, newly old America (while occasionally, lamely, lazily shouting out injustices on Facebook or blogs [read: this]); an envy that reimagines the “stars upon thars” mentality and will result in an epidemic of intolerance; and a senseless wrath that arms mass murderers and upends liberties. These behaviors undo reason (on both sides of the political spectrum) and eradicate centralism, compromise, appreciation, and promise. I’m trying my hardest to find humanity in this Inferno of heartlessness; but the men in power, in all their forms of power, are making it seemingly impossible for me to celebrate. To them ALL -- every Mitch, Paul, Mike, Orin, Harvey, Kevin, Roy, Charlie, Matt, James, Mario... -- I have a gift this year: A visit from the hooded, boney Ghost of Christmas Future. Yet, despite their humbug, their narrow-mindedness, vices, and lies, and for the sake of the season, I’ll emulate Tiny Tim and wish them all Merry Christmas and “God bless Us, Every One!" Yes, even the self-obsessed Antic Executive with the Fake Bake instant spray-on tan. [Ahhhh, now the Ghost of Christmas Past returns!]

This giant, mucus-covered, tangerine slug...

I’ve been doing everything I can to avoid responding to this insanity; but, this morning, El Supremo Orange Slimo denied allegations that he behaved inappropriately. He then tweeted about Senator Gillibrand, “[she] would come to my office ‘begging’ for campaign contributions not so long ago (and would do anything for them),” knowing full well how people would interpret “do anything for them.” I too would join the chorus of “Lock HIM up!” if one could keep a spineless tangerine slug behind bars. Instead, we should be pouring salt on this giant, mucus-covered gastropod. [For the sake of my sanity, I return to closing “the valves of [my] attention.”]

A Silver Lining?

A silver lining? After reading Billy Bush's editorial this morning, Maria texted me: "Without Trump, none of these allegations about sexual harassment would be brought to the table. He is doing a great service to the women’s movement." Every day more slimeballs slither into the swamp of insignificance... and we may have our groper-in-chief to thank. Whodathunkit?

The Rhetoric of Fathers

I keep hearing and reading a preface from fathers who share a default response to all the abuses being brought to light: "As a father of a daughter..." It's almost as if their eyes are finally opened to the great hardships their daughters have endured and/or will face. Really? Enough! I mean, as a "father of a daughter" how could you just be realizing this now? Stop using fatherhood as some excuse that separates you (as fathers) from this ancient behavior towards women and children because you have daughters. The fact that you're saying, "As a father of a daughter...," is not that far removed from looking at your daughters in a manner that somewhat objectifies them. Instead, raise your children in a way that doesn't modify their genders or identities as being the obstacles. You should be saying, "As my daughter's father, I take responsibility for how I behave. I model through example and she knows what's not acceptable."